I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
