I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
