Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
