I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
