Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
