why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
