One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
