she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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