im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize