everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
