weddingsv make me drug and hornr
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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