Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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