We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
