Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
