She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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