You're earring is so big in my mouth
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
