What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
