when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
