thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize