So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
