We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize