I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
