physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
