doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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