Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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