dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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