So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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