he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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