Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
