conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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