Don't make out with my wife yet
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
