If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
