We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
