I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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