so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
