i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize