I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
