just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
