Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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