I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
