I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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