come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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