last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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