.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
