I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize