Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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