is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
