You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
