So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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