Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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