Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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