Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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