I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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