so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
