Got a toothbrush?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
That accounts for only three of the penises
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
