i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
