I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
