Screwed.edu
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
