She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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