So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
