The maid of honor just puked.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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