Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize