dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
