What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
