i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
