I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just found puke in my bra..
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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