don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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