he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize