She is in my trunk
this just has baby written all over it
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
