i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
