I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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