I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
