He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
