those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
