There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize