i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
