Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
