I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
