"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
