dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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