You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I want to walk on stilts...naked
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
