Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
