How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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