We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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