His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
