when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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