He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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