i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
