i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
