but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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