Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
is that a dick in a sweater?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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