im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
