Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
