when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize