I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
