why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
