sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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