as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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