I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
It's shark week go big or go home
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
