I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
