I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
