I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
