I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
