i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
