You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Randomize
