This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Randomize
