whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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