my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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