??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Damn victory sex feels great
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
