We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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