I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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