Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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