I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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