Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I want a musical about memes.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize