Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
even my farts smell like vagina
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
