He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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