I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize